


dramatic irony

by canIgohomesoon, white_carnations



Series: attention all epic gamers [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Use, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Smoking, that's it that's the whole au, they're all huge nerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-05-13 05:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19244926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canIgohomesoon/pseuds/canIgohomesoon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/white_carnations/pseuds/white_carnations
Summary: AU where Gavin's a famous twitch streamer and a member of the eSports team known as the Detroit Dogs and Niles is the journalist that's been writing hit pieces on them for the majority of his career.





	1. *windows xp startup sound*

**Author's Note:**

> I T S H E R E 
> 
> in all seriousness this is the most ridiculous au ever made but me and meg are in love with it so... yeah, hope you enjoy anyways
> 
> also big thanks to my beta reader river, who you can find over on [twitter](https://twitter.com/RK80085)  
> 

“So you’re the reason he’s here?” Gavin asks, still not quite understanding what Hank is attempting to explain to him. 

The topic of conversation — also known as Connor — sits awkwardly in the corner of the room, attempting to ignore the curious glances from his previous rivals by becoming engrossed in the cuffs of his sleeves. In theory, Connor wouldn’t even be sitting here if Hank wasn’t here. When he’d walked in, Connor in tow, at the start of practise, he’d given the team strict orders to ‘be nice’. But, now, the Detroit Dogs aren’t exactly known for following orders, especially ones given to them by their coach.

By the time Hank responds to Gavin’s question by nodding nervously, Gavin has already started giggling like a child.

“Seriously, Hank?! I mean I’m happy for you but... “ Glancing back at Connor again, they lower their voices, Gavin’s expression is suddenly serious. “This is risky. He’s from Jericho — now he’s here with no explanation. People are  _ going  _ to ask questions!” 

“He’s already signed all the paperwork; I don’t know what you expect me to do about it, Gav.” Hank hisses.

“Well, we’ve got to give the media  _ something _ , otherwise who knows what crazy shit they’ll come up with on their own.”

Too involved in their own conversation, neither notice Tina slip into the chair next to Gavin.

“What you guys talking about?” She asks in her usual upbeat tone, not bothering to lower her voice, startling both Hank and Gavin in the process.

Really, they’ve known Tina long enough that they should be used to her ability to sneak around like some sort of human mouse but somehow, after all these years, her unnatural stealth still manages to shock them.

“As if you weren’t listening into the whole thing.” Gavin replies after he composes himself, irritation clear in his tone. 

“Calm down, hot shot, do you want my help or not?” 

“Are you saying you’ve got an idea, or are you just here to wind Gavin up?” Hank asks, arms crossed over his obnoxiously bright shirt.

Instead of replying, Tina unlocks her phone and begins searching for something whilst Gavin and Hank watch curiously. Even Connor turns to look as the room fills with a sudden silence. It doesn’t take long and Tina’s phone is in the centre of the table for them all to see. Leaning forward in his seat to get a better look at whatever she’s showing them, he sees an article on the screen, all he can read is the headline but he doesn’t need to read much else to understand what she’s getting at.

“You’re not suggesting...” Connor trails off; Gavin would be lying if he said he isn’t at least  _ slightly _ offended by the worried look the other man is giving him from across the table.

“Do you have a better idea?” Tina questions, looking between the three of them, as if daring them to object to her solution.

“Well, do you Hank? Surely out of everyone on the team, you can’t have been coming to me for help.” Gavin still doesn’t understand why Hank came to him, of all people.

“Hey.  _ Hey _ .” Hank holds his hands up in defense. “I never said it was a bad idea, it was Con that was objecting.”

“I was not objecting, I was just—”

“Oh shut up, just admit you don’t want to do it because you think I’m embarrassing.” Gavin interrupts, tone bitter. 

Connor averts his gaze again, looking rather sheepish to say the least.

“Right, you listen to  _ me _ , Stern.” Gavin says, meeting Connor’s eyes and pointing a finger at him across the table. “I know, first hand, exactly what it’s like to have the media at your throat ‘cause they think old man Anderson over there is your sugar daddy and I also know it’s gonna be at least ten times worse if they find out it’s actually true.”

“Hank is  _ not _ my sugar daddy!” Connor says defensively. 

“If you say so,” Gavin shrugs. “But that’s not my point. My  _ point  _ is that you’re going to get enough shit from the media for switching teams; our best option is to throw them off the scent as much as possible. If this is what they already believe, why not give them what they want?”

He’s well aware that logical arguments aren’t something people expect from  _ Gavin Reed _ but, when you’ve grown up in private education with strict parents, there isn’t any other option than to learn to be literate with your speech if you want your arguments and opinions to be respected. 

“Do you think it’ll work?” Connor asks, looking to Hank for an answer. 

It’s obvious that Connor trusts his opinion the most out of everyone in the room.

“If we point them in the right direction, I don’t see why not.” Hank replies and Gavin can physically see the signs of stress in his face and posture.

As he’d briefly mentioned when trying to persuade Connor, him and Hank had had a run in with the media before, the only difference being that the stories and rumours being shared back then were just that; rumours.

Hank and Connor being open with their relationship isn’t an option and everyone sitting around the table knows it. As shitty as it is to accept, the general public would not react kindly to finding out the reason Connor had switched teams was because he was sleeping with his manager, who also happened to be almost twenty years older than him. Thankfully, according to Connor, the members of Jericho are supportive of their friends decision but Gavin knows the media is going to use it as an opportunity to create more fake drama between the teams whether they know the real reason or not.

Last time something like this happened, Hank had survived the onslaught; but, it definitely did a number to his already shitty mental health and Gavin had seen the effects first hand. If you were just counting blood relatives Hank only had Cole, but he still had a family and Gavin liked to think himself and Tina were included in that too. Not forgetting Sumo either; Gavin is and will always be a cat person, but Hank’s oversized dog has definitely grown on him over the years.

“So are we doing this or not?” Gavin asks, breaking the silence that has fallen across the room. 

Connor and Hank share a look before turning back to the table and nodding in agreement. Retrieving her phone from the middle of the table, Tina stands, clasping her hands in front of her.

“Gavin Reed and Connor Stern, I now pronounce you sexual partner and sexual partner.” Tina says, using air quotes and shooting them both a wink. 

-

“You fucking dickheads!” Gavin shouts across the room, abandoning his controller on the table and directing both middle fingers in the other team’s general direction.

“You’re just a sore loser, Reed.” North retorts, laughing at his characteristic display of anger.

“Take five!” Hank calls in an attempt to stop things escalating from where he’s sat next to Carl, the manager and coach of Jericho. 

Whilst the others socialise, Gavin takes the opportunity to get himself a drink. Retrieving his bag from the other side of the room, he takes out a can of monster and the bag of instant espresso he keeps on him at all times. Popping the pull tab, he takes a sip before opening the bag of espresso and carefully pouring a small amount into the can. He swirls it gently in his hand as he makes his way back to the group, mixing the liquid and powder together.

Sitting on the edge of the stage, he swings his legs back and forth as he sips his drink and watches the two teams interact. Despite what the media portrays, there’s very little conflict between them and most of the stuff that makes the headlines is either put on for or made up by the media. For example, since him and Connor had started subtly hinting they’re together the media has been all over it, even though it has yet to be confirmed. Gavin chuckles to himself as he thinks about the absurdity of some of the headlines from the past couple of weeks.

There’s something he finds immensely gratifying about tricking news outlets, especially the ones that have been writing slander about him for years. It’s not like he’s bothered about what they say but it definitely damages his public image. Why do they give so much of a shit about who he sleeps with anyway?

Breaking away from the group, Tina walks over and hoists herself up onto the stage so she’s sat directly next to him. She throws an arm around his shoulder and Gavin leans into the familiar touch without thinking. It’s unsurpising that during their eight years of friendship they’d gotten so close; in his eyes she was as much his sister as Elijah was his brother - which is what made it even weirder when the media decided they were  _ definitely  _ fucking.

Despite the whole idea of it being disgusting, Gavin remembers the whole affair fondly. It was roughly three years ago now, and his first real run in with the media after he started getting big online. Still not completely comfortable with their sexualities due to their upbringing, neither of them were particularly open about being gay but they didn’t exactly attempt to hide it either. However, _apparently_ , not being completely explicit about their preferences meant that just because him and Tina were close, they were very straight and also madly in love. 

He’d been in the middle of a stream when the first article dropped, he was just trying to play Skyrim then all of a sudden the chat started freaking out, multiple people linking the article demanding an explanation. Instantly intrigued, he’d opened it up on stream, calling Tina into his room after reading the headline claiming the two of them were in some sort of romantic or sexual relationship. At first he was angry, but by the end of it they were both laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

Along with the help of the chat, they’d decided their ship name, and thus Gina was born. To this day it remains an ongoing joke amongst his regular viewers, he’s even sold merch with it on before. That stream also happened to be the stream where he officially came out, it wasn’t a big thing, most of his audience had assumed by that point anyway. It’d felt so good to finally get it out there though, to be able to be unapologetically himself even to just a group of people on the internet, his final ‘fuck you’ to his parents who couldn’t do anything about it now he was an adult with his own income. 

He still gets kind of emotional thinking about it, he’d ended the stream shortly after because he didn’t really feel like crying on the internet, but every single person in the chat had been so lovely and he’d never felt as supported and validated in his life than he did in that moment.

“I cannot believe you drink that stuff on a regular basis.” Tina says, flicking the half empty can with her thumb and forefinger and bringing Gavin back to reality.

“Whatever, you’re the one missing out.” He replies, bringing the can to his lips again and chugging the rest of its contents.

After a short break, they have another practise match before Jericho pack up and go, Gavin’s happy because they actually won this time and they’re now all sat around the table in the room backstage. The rest of the team are all nursing some kind of hot drink, meanwhile they’ve collectively banned Gavin from having any more caffeine because they’re ‘ _ worried for his health _ ’.

At the end of the table, Hank and Connor are sat as close as possible without actually sitting on top of each other. Gavin wants to be disgusted by how close they are, but he can’t muster up enough negativity when he sees the difference they’ve made to each other's lives in the short amount of time they’ve been together. Sure, neither of them were miserable before, but both of them definitely seem happier now. Anyway, he can’t blame them for being so affectionate whenever they get the chance; he doesn’t think he could hide what seems to be such a serious relationship from the public eye the way they’ve been doing.

Chris had left early to spend some extra time with his wife and Tina and Allen both sat, talking animatedly about their current significant others. Gavin didn’t know much about the guy Allen was dating, but he’d sure heard all about Tina’s new girlfriend, Chloe. She was a friend of Connor’s, who’d been the one to introduce the two in the first place. 

Staring at his glass of water as if it personally offends him, he wonders if he would ever actually find this  _ love  _ everyone else seems to have just stumbled upon. Going from putting all his time into his education, to diving head first into becoming an internet personality, love hasn’t really been something he’s had time to even contemplate pursuing over the past few years. Sure, he’s had his fair share of hook-ups but not  _ quite  _ as many as the media would have people believe.

A sudden ringing sounds in the small room and everyone's attention is drawn to Hank’s phone as he answers it, breaking away from Connor and standing up so he can face away from the rest of the group. Gavin can’t make out what the person on the other end is saying but it doesn’t last long, a couple words of agreement from Hank and then he’s hanging up and turning back to face his team.

“Who was it?” Connor asks and everyone else lets him, knowing they’re most likely to get the answer they want if he asks instead of them.

“Vice.” Hanks replies, he does not sound impressed and Gavin fully understands why.

“What’d they want?” He demands.

“They’re sending one of their journalists to do coverage on the match tomorrow; they're going to be interviewing each of you, so you better be on your best  _ goddamn  _ behaviour, you hear me?” The last part is directed specifically at Gavin, who scowls at his manager like a kid who’s about to have a full on tantrum.

“No fucking way, I am  _ not  _ talking to some shitty journalist.” He exclaims and Hank sighs, already pinching the bridge of his nose.

“For fucks sake, kid. Look, Tina and Allen are fine with it, please can you just work with me this once? It’ll be fifteen minutes of your time at most.” Hank reasons, but Gavin doesn’t look at him. “Let’s be honest, you need good PR.”

He has a point there, Gavin thinks but, before he can think anymore, Connor lets out an extremely loud sigh. Gavin turns back to the group to see him running a hand through his curls in frustration as he looks at his own phone screen.

“You okay?” Hank questions, worry evident in his voice.

“It’s my brother.” Connor states as if that explains everything. When everyone continues looking at him for further explanation, he lets out another sigh. “He’s a journalist, the one that’s coming to the match tomorrow.”

“What, Shepard, isn’t he a twitch streamer?” Gavin asks, remembering the few times he’d met Connor’s identical twin in the past.

“He is, it’s not him. It’s Niles.” Connor replies, gaze distant as he wrings his hands repetitively, phone unlocked but forgotten on the table.

“Well, surely that’s a good thing?” Allen asks.

“Yeah, if he’s your brother, he won’t grill us too much.” Tina adds, hopeful.

“No, you don’t understand, me and Niles don’t get along, we barely even talk anymore.” Connor starts. “He, uh… He really doesn’t like me very much.”

“So basically, we’re screwed.” Gavin states as if it’s a fact, and it may as well be judging by the look on Connor’s face.

-

Rain patters softly against the pavement for the entirety of Gavin’s walk back to his apartment. Both Hank and Allen had offered him a lift but he’d declined, it’s only a ten minute walk and he’s always found rain rather calming. Fortunately, it remains relatively light so, by the time he enters his apartment building, his hair and clothes are only slightly damp and he’s feeling less stressed than when he left. 

When he opens the door to his apartment, he’s instantly greeted by a silver tabby, who climbs him like a pole, not giving a single shit where she sticks her claws until she’s perched on his shoulder like a parrot. After sniffing his wet hair suspiciously, she decides the water is drinkable and begins licking it. He’s not sure quite sure whether she’s just thirsty or this is her attempt at grooming him.

“For fucks sake Gary, your water bowl is  _ right  _ there!” He explains, gesturing to the large bowl next to the kitchen island as if she’ll understand what he’s telling her.

Despite his words, he doesn’t move her and takes his shoes off with extra care as to not throw her off balance. Gary is just one of the members of Gavin’s glaring of cats, eight in total, which his lease doesn’t technically allow but he’s been able to keep them all under the radar in the time he’s lived there. 

Out of all his cats, Khajiit is the oldest, but also the smallest. Shortly after he’d first moved to downtown Detroit with Tina at the ripe old age of seventeen he’d found her in a back alley, all bones and matted fur. He’d taken her in and cleaned her up, at first he’d thought she was black but after washing away all the dirt discovered she was a light brown mackerel tabby. That night he’d streamed Skyrim, taking a break in the middle to show his small audience his new family member, he’d asked the chat for name ideas and they all seemed to agree Khajiit was the most appropriate so that’s what he went with.

At the time he’d found her, taking her to the vet was out of the question since he and Tina could barely afford their rent on their current income so, by the time they realised she was pregnant, there wasn’t anything they could do except try their best to prepare for a litter of kittens. She’d had five in total, three males and two females and, in the first couple months after they were born, Gavin acted as if he’d just had his own children.

Gary, who is currently digging her claws into Gavin’s shoulders, was and still is the most confident of the litter despite only being marginally bigger than her mother. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen her afraid of anything apart from falling off of things, which happens more often than he’d like it to. She climbs things she shouldn’t, knocks things off tables and is probably responsible for half of the scars littered all over Gavin’s body. 

On the other hand, her sister Alvina, who is currently glaring at him from where she sits on the kitchen counter, couldn’t be more different. Unlike Gary, who adores getting attention no matter who the person is, Alvina prefers to be left alone. That is, until she wants Gavin’s attention and will forcibly shove her way onto his lap and headbutt his hand until he strokes her exactly the way she likes it. 

The other two share the same brown tabby coat as their mother and are currently curled up on Gavin’s gaming chair with her, creating a whole mess of tabby fur and making it difficult to tell where one cat ends and another begins. Handsome Jack is the largest of the litter, shortly followed by Master Chief, who managed to make up for being smaller than his brother by having the loudest, most obnoxious meow of the whole glaring. Often, Jack and Gary seem to team up, multiplying the amount of mischief they get up to and Gavin can’t get over how the assholes live up to their names.

Shadow is the anomaly of the litter, his fluffy, black coat standing out from the rest, leading Gavin to suspect the litter actually had multiple fathers. His timid temperament means he’s not as sociable as the other cats and spends a lot of time curled up alone on Gavin’s bed when he’s away. As suspected, when Gavin pokes his head into his bedroom to check, hes sat dead centre on his mattress, front paws neatly tucked under himself.

The two most recent members of his glaring weren’t at all related to Khajiit and her litter. Shortly after he’d become big and been able to move into his current apartment, he’d decided, despite everyone's protests that it was a bad idea, that he didn’t have enough cats. So he’d found himself on the internet in the early hours of the morning, searching for cats that needed rehoming. He’d come across two maine coons that the owner could no longer look after and he’d fallen in love.

One was an absolutely huge ginger tabby and the other was a calico, he’d collected them the next day and with the help of his twitch chat he’d named them Orange Justice (O.J. for short) and Floss. Both were extremely friendly and Gavin’s research on introducing new cats paid off as they’d settled in with Khajiit and her kids in no time. 

When he crouches down to get the cat food from the kitchen cupboard, Gary hops elegantly off his shoulder, waiting by his feet and letting out the occasional meow. It doesn’t take long for the rest of the glaring to understand what’s going on when they hear the familiar rustle of the bag, crowding around him while he tries to gently nudge them out of the way so he can fill each individual bowl. 

Once the cats are fed, he feeds himself with the first instant meal he finds in the fridge, too lazy to actually cook anything decent. Collapsing into the soft cushions of his sofa, he reaches for the remote to the sound system and presses the play button. Soft jazz renditions of songs from his favourite retro nintendo games fill the silence and he lets out a contented sigh as he looks out of his full length windows. It’s already dark outside and he marvels over how much prettier the city looks at night, different colours of light reflecting off their surroundings and creating a comforting glow.

As he lets the lights and sounds overtake his senses, he thinks about how glad he is that today is his day off from streaming. He’s so comfortable that getting up to put his plate in the sink is a challenge, but once he’s accomplished that, he retreats to his room, not bothering with night clothes, he strips until he’s just in his boxers and throws himself onto the bed, temporarily startling Shadow, who does not look at all impressed to have been disturbed. 

By the time he’s almost unconscious, which doesn’t take him long due the severe caffeine crash he’s experiencing, his whole glaring has managed to find a spot to settle on the bed. This is a regular occurrence and most of them have a preferred spot. Khajiit purrs softly from where she’s curled up next to his head, the sound has become a comfort and pretty much a necessity for Gavin to sleep at this point. Listening to the repetitive purring and the white noise of the city, he lets it lull him to sleep, one hand resting gently on Khajiit’s back, while his foot presses against Floss’ side. 


	2. That Bitch ™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which niles is very much journalist scum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow another whole chapter where gav and niles still don'T MEET I'M SORRY

Grabbing his blazer from where he left it on the back of his desk chair, Niles rushes to get it on, downing the rest of his coffee as he makes his way through the kitchen. He slows down for a second to give the perfectly groomed ragdoll cat sat on the counter one final scratch under her chin. He then makes his way towards the door of his apartment, retrieving his satchel from the coat rack and slinging it over his shoulder as he does so. 

Lastly, he checks his appearance in the mirror in the hallway. Minus his nearing on raccoon-like under eyes, he thinks he looks presentable and gives himself a painfully fake smile as he runs a hand through his hair, the stray lock from his cowslick falling across his forehead like it always does. After taking a deep breath in to compose himself, he finally walks out the door, being careful to make sure it doesn’t slam as to not upset the delicate ears of his cat.

Niles sets off at a brisk pace once he exits the apartment complex; the venue of the match is roughly a thirty minute walk from where he lives — he can make it in twenty if he walks fast enough. It doesn’t take more than a couple minutes for both the sun and silence to get to him, so he reaches into the front pocket of his blazer to pull out his sunglasses. With nimble fingers, he unwinds the earphone cord from where it’s wrapped around the bridge of the metal frames before sliding them on. He then plugs the headphone jack into his phone and places the buds into his ears before pressing play.

Closing his eyes just briefly, he allows the melodic notes of the piano concerto to seep into every crevice of his mind; it’s effect is therapeutic as it temporarily distracts his brain from the stresses of day to day life. When he opens his eyes again, he’s met with a dimmer version of the world through his tinted shades, amplifying the effect as he’s able to further separate himself from the world around him.

However, as he makes his way through the streets of downtown Detroit, it doesn’t take long for his thoughts to catch up with him and he lets out an audible sigh, turning a few heads of passersby. Ignoring them, he thinks back to the phone call he’d received just yesterday from his manager asking him to cover this match. He wasn’t happy about it then and he still isn’t happy about it now. He has no interest in esports, but he guesses it’s his fault for agreeing to cover the scandal between Detroit’s two biggest teams just a couple of months ago. Not to mention the countless articles he’d written about the teams most popular member. That, coupled with how close he was to the event, kind of sealed the deal and he’d accepted his fate the minute his manager told him the location of the venue.

Despite all the issues he had with the event itself, if he was really being honest, the real reason he was so against the idea was the fact his own brother was going to be there. Him and Connor hadn’t exactly been on the best of terms the past couple years, and that was putting it lightly. Throughout the duration of their childhood, Niles, Connor and they’re other triplet, Shepard, had all been incredibly close, but at some point during college everything seemed to fall apart. Whilst their adoptive mother, Amanda, had been supportive of Niles’ choice of career, both of his siblings had seemed mildly disapproving at best and absolutely disgusted at worst.

It didn’t help that Niles didn’t approve of their career choices either; Shepard dropped out of college after his first year to attempt to pursue a career in the gaming industry, whilst Connor majored in Veterinary Science. Niles had been proud of his brother for graduating like he did, but instead of applying to university together, Connor had somehow thought it a good idea to follow in Shepard’s footsteps, but instead of begging for money on twitch he, along with his college friends, created an esports team.

They’d gone through a few name changes, if Niles remembers correctly, but eventually settled on  _ Jericho _ . If you ask him, it’s both irrelevant and pretentious, which he has stated in multiple articles he’s written on the topic of the blooming esports industry in Detroit. However, he remembers the couple of times he’s met Markus and his friends during their college years and the odd choice of name isn’t exactly surprising, to say the least.

He can’t say writing about his brother is something he takes joy in doing, but his articles on the esports teams of Detroit always seem to do well, and if he’s getting paid and advancing his career at the same time there really isn’t much to complain about. Publishing under a pen name avoids any controversies that could arise from him writing about his own brother and, even though Connor knows it’s him, it’s not like Niles actually cares. What exactly had he done for him in recent years anyway?

Nothing, is the correct answer to that question. Nothing since they’d graduated college and gone their separate ways. The two very rarely kept in touch minus visiting Amanda on holidays; however, after it was discovered that putting all three siblings in the same room quickly resulted in arguments often referring back to their chosen professions, they had made an agreement to each visit at different times.

Niles can see how much it upset their adoptive mother that her sons had become so divided, but it isn’t like there’s anything he can do about it; Connor has an issue with his career and, as far as he’s concerned, that isn’t his problem to deal with. 

He can’t remember the last time he had a proper conversation with either of his brothers without it ending in an argument. In fact, the most communication they’ve had in the past year had been when he’d forced himself to text Connor after getting off the phone with his manager the previous afternoon. He’d thought turning up at his brothers match without prior warning would not only make whatever they had going on between them worse, but also ruin any chance he had of getting information out of him or any of his teammates. Texting seemed to be the logical conclusion.

His thoughts stay on a similar, resentful track the rest of the way to the venue. His sour mood only worsens as he enters, bypassing the godawful queue with a flash of his press pass, only to get inside and be surrounded by what he supposed would be described as  _ ‘gamers' _ .

When he’d shown his press pass on the way in he’d been told there was a specific row for press; however, when he manages to get through the throngs of people and make his way inside, he thankfully finds an empty seat near the back of the room. He isn’t exactly eager to be closer than is strictly necessary, not until it’s time for the interviews his manager had set up.

Only when the glaring lights on the ceiling turn off does he finally remove his earphones, hesitating with his sunglasses but begrudgingly taking them off as he realises he can barely see with them on. Pocketing both items, he opens his satchel to retrieve his notebook, flipping it open, balancing it on his lap and slipping the pen out of the binding.

Not long after, spotlights are turned on, lighting up the stage and casting green and red hues onto the rest of the room. The audience starts cheering as the commentators introduce the two teams. Jericho are announced first and Niles can’t help but watch the stage with a hawk like gaze as he waits for his brother, except he’s filled with confusion when none of the five members that fill the seats on the right of the stage are Connor.

Confusion quickly dissipates, turning into irritation when the commentator welcomes the Detroit Dogs onto the stage. Somehow, he’d managed to forget Connor had switched teams, they hadn’t released an official reason as to why and Niles isn’t too sure himself; although, he is pretty certain the main reason he keeps forgetting is because it isn’t really something he wants to accept. Of course, he disliked both teams, but he definitely had a preference for Jericho, they seemed to be the more mature of the two at least.  

Niles is filled with more emotions than he’s felt in a long time when he sees how genuinely  _ happy  _ Connor looks. He hasn’t seen his brother smile like that since high school and judging by the current look on his face it’s a common occurrence, he just hadn’t been there to see it. In fact, the only impact Niles has had on Connors life since they graduated college has been negative.

He quickly shakes himself out of that thought pattern though, he’s not here to dwell on the past, any connection he has to Connor is irrelevant to the article his manager wants him to write and he can’t let it get in the way. At least that’s what he continues to tell himself until the question in the forefront of his mind is too much to ignore.

Why had Connor swapped teams? He racks his brain for a good couple of minutes as the commentator waffles on about some meaningless bullshit, before he finally remembered what he’d read just a few days prior.

Casting his focus back to the stage, his gaze falls on the guy sat next to Connor, a man who Niles has never met face to face but still feels as if he knows him, at least to some extent. The man in question calls himself the ‘ _ Rat King _ ’, but Niles knows him better as Gavin Reed: the best member of the Detroit Dogs when it comes to skills and the worst member in terms of personality. According to unreliable resources Niles had come across just a few days prior, rumours had surfaced that Gavin and Connor had some sort of hidden, sexual relationship going on. When he’d first seen the information he’d scoffed, but now looking at the scene in front of him, he’s wondering if maybe he should do some more digging.

For the rest of the match, he attempts to make notes on what is actually going on. After all, that’s one of the main reasons he’s been sent here in the first place. Not only does his manager want him to interview the team members, she’d also told him he’s going to have to write a report on the match itself. He was pissed to say the least. When they’d hired him last year, nowhere in the contract had it said he’d have to be a sports journalist; yet here he is, having to keep track of the progress in a fucking esports match.

He tries to give all the players equal attention, but his gaze kept falling back to Connor and Gavin. Despite the childish behaviour he seems to exhibit on a regular basis, Niles can tell this is something Gavin takes very seriously — even someone with pretty much zero knowledge of gaming, such as himself, can tell he’s good at what he does just by watching him play. From the back row, it’s hard to make out details, but Niles swears that, even from this far away, he can make out the determination in his eyes. 

On the other hand, Connor seems a lot more relaxed, but Niles is well aware of how easy it is for his brother to appear calm on the outside when he’s really anything but on the inside. It’s an unhealthy habit the triplets share as, before all the drama of recent years, the only people they’d been open with was each other, refusing to truly trust anyone else. Niles can’t speak for either of his brothers, but he knows he’s become more closed off than ever without them in his life. From what he can see from their social media presence, they’ve managed to branch out together; they share an apartment, but it seems that their group of friends were close enough to become something of a new family for them.

There’s a sickening feeling in his stomach at the thought as anxiety begins to seep into him, but he refuses to give it any attention, pushing it down, bottling it up and locking it away. 

Niles Stern  _ doesn’t _ get emotional, he manipulates people’s opinions through his writing, gets paid for it and does not give a  _ single  _ shit about what people think of him.

All in all, the whole event lasts around an hour and a half and if Niles wasn’t so interested in observing people’s behaviour, he would have been bored out of his mind. However, that isn’t the case; he’s spent way longer than he should have trying to figure out what’s going on between Gavin and Connor.The short breaks between rounds are the perfect opportunity to analyse their current relationship. 

The close eye he keeps on the two seems to pay off as, even from the back, his keen gaze is able to pick up the small touches they share. How Gavin places his hand over Connor’s and gives it a gentle squeeze, whilst Connor gives him a shy smile in return. The way he drapes his arm around Connor’s shoulders and Connor seems to lean into the contact, as if it’s actually something he wants. 

In all honesty, Niles isn’t sure what to think of it, he’s written a lot of awful things about Reed but, unbeknownst to the general public, half of the content he writes in his articles are just cleverly fabricated lies or altercations of the truth. That being said, the true things he does know about the man don’t make him seem likable, in any sense of the word. Yet, as he continues to observe from the back of the room, he can’t help but notice that Gavin ignores the security in favour of having a conversation with a group of children that can’t be more than twelve, with a smile as genuine as the one he’d seen on Connor at the start of the match.

It’s odd to see a man he’s spent half of his career slandering, a man he could say with sincerity he hats, being what he believes to be uncharacteristically  _ kind _ . He supposes he’s seen multiple sources that claim ‘The Rat King’ to be excellent when interacting with his audience, but he’s never really believed it. Either way, it doesn’t excuse his irritatingly child-like personality and general displays of idiocy. Anyway, Niles doesn’t even  _ like  _ kids; how someone treats them makes absolutely zero difference to his opinion of them.

Waiting until most of the audience has cleared out, he checks that the portable microphone he carries in his pocket is turned on and makes his way to the front of the theatre. As he approaches, Gavin is finishing up a conversation with Connor and a man Niles recognises as their manager.

Eventually, Hank gets frustrated with whatever he and Gavin are talking about, letting out a heavy sigh before giving Gavin a clap on the shoulder and moving on to talk to another member of the team, leaving Connor and Gavin stood alone. Taking the open opportunity, as well as a deep breath, Niles makes his way towards the pair.

“Richard Dechart, I work for Vice.” He says, holding out his hand to Gavin specifically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, pls consider leaving kudos or a comment, feedback is greatly appreciated!!
> 
> check out our twitters for more shit posting:  
> [white_carnations](https://twitter.com/c0ffee_gremlin)  
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> 


	3. player two has entered the game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gavin's gay and niles is hot, but what's new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnnnd we're back gamers, as usual enjoy this crack taken seriously

Hopping down from the stage, Gavin greets the group of kids who are obviously fans. This is his favourite part, getting to talk to the people who admire him. The ego boost is something he enjoys, but the best part is hearing how he’s impacted people’s lives for the better. It’s still crazy to him, how his stupid streams have somehow managed to help people in ways he can’t even imagine.

Stuff like this is the reason he doesn’t care what the media thinks of him, because he has a loyal audience that are either too young to be influenced by the media, or are smart enough to understand that slander often holds very little truth.

“You  _ really  _ can’t just talk to whoever you want at the end of the match Gav; it’s a security risk and you know it.” Hank berates.

“Oh, shove it hank, they’re kids! What’re they gonna do, trample me? C’mon, I’m not  _ that  _ short.”

Hank, as usual, decides that arguing with him isn’t worth the energy, leaving to talk to Allen and Chris, the two members of the team he  _ actually  _ classes as mature adults.  

Turning to see if anyone is left in the venue, Gavin catches sight of a man who’s obviously making his way towards them. He’s pale,  _ very  _ pale, which is probably being emphasised by the fact everything he’s wearing is pitch black, from his patent leather shoes to the  _ fitted  _ turtleneck he’s got on underneath his  _ fitted  _ blazer that’s nicely hugging the shape of his torso. Pulling his eyes away from his almost overly tight shirt, Gavin’s gaze moves to his face and he stops short. He knew Connor was a triplet, and he’s met his brother Shepard on multiple occasions, even considered him a friend, but Niles was different. 

“You did not tell me your brother is smoking fucking hot.” He whispers, leaning into Connor to make sure there’s no chance of Niles hearing him. 

“We’re practically identical and it’s not exactly like I’ve gauged how attractive my own brother is.” Connor says, sounding oddly tense.

“Well, if you remember correctly, the only reason we didn’t bang was because neither of us can top to save our lives, but that fine piece of ass is most definitely a dom.”

“I am  _ not  _ having this conversation with you.” Connor hisses in his ear before putting a little distance between them as Niles gets dangerously close.

“Richard Dechart, I work for Vice.” He says.

He holds his hand out for Gavin to shake, but Gavin is well aware of this man’s opinion of him and he’s not going to be polite just because he’s hot. So, he crosses his arms defiantly, immediately closing himself off from the journalist.

“There’s no point in using your pen name here Niles, we have almost identical faces.” Connor says, beating him to the punch.

“It’s nice to see you too, brother dearest.” Niles replies, voice dripping with malice. A sarcastic smile pulls his lips taught for just a second before he lets it fall into a scowl.

Connor rolls his eyes and Gavin watches Niles visibly bristle with irritation. He feels like he’s in the middle of something he really shouldn’t be but, for Connor’s sake, he stands his ground. Hopefully, his mere presence will be enough to prevent a catfight between the two.

“I’m just here to do my job Connor; I imagine you’re here to do the same so, if we could maintain some form of professionalism, it would be appreciated.” He says with faux politeness. 

Gavin imagines that, if Connor were anymore frustrated, he’d be able to hear his teeth grinding together. It’s one thing with Niles being a journalist, but arriving at Connor’s place of work is another, especially with the upcoming scandal within the media’s sights. Instead of retaliating, Connor just kicks the ground with the toe of his shoe, reluctantly nodding.

“Could I pull you for an interview, Reed?” Niles turns to ignore Connor and focus his gaze on Gavin, struggling not to squirm under his hawk like gaze.

Gavin Reed, however, is determined and refuses to break eye contact. 

This seems to please the other man, who gives him a slight smile in return. It’s less of a smile and more the slightest upturn of his lips, but Gavin has already gotten the impression that Niles isn’t the most expressive of people. Instead, he takes it for what it is and shoots his own smirk back, which quickly morphs Niles expression back into what Gavin had originally thought was a glare, but was beginning to think it’s just his resting face.

“Let me get a drink, then I’m all yours.” He shrugs nonchalantly, observing Niles who is raising his eyebrows at the statement, as he stares down at him with steely eyes.

As Niles sits himself in one of the empty theatre chairs, Gavin begins his search for a refreshment in his bag, before snatching up the unopened Monster Energy. Of course, his beverage isn’t complete without its usual extra shot of espresso. Glancing back for a second, he sees Niles staring at him with what looks like disgust, smiling to himself as he stands again.

Despite the previous expression that Niles had pulled, he didn’t discuss the overly-caffeinated liquid that was being placed between them as Gavin sits down. His unenthusiastic demeanor is ignored as Niles is too busy snatching his neat, leather notebook from his pocket, followed by his pen. Soon after, it’s being scratched over the corner of the page in order to test it, somehow creating a perfect circle.

“Well, Reed, are you ready?” The tone of Niles’ voice is cruel and inhospitable. Gavin sudders without realising, allowing a shaky, ‘yes’ to pass through his lips.

The emotionless posture and language which Niles presents puts Gavin on edge. He can’t be quite sure if it’s due to his unease around journalists, or if it’s something deeper. Although he runs his hands through his hair in an effort to cover up his embarrassment, he doesn’t fail to notice how Niles seems to look  _ through  _ him instead of  _ at  _ him, as if he isn’t actually there at all. His fixation with his notes allows Niles to avoid Gavin’s awkwardness and focus on himself and his work.

Obviously, one of Niles’ goals is to uncover more information about the rumours revolving around him and Connor. Somehow, his language is even more tense upon referring to it, making it even harder for Gavin to stick to the story which the team had concocted previously.

The rest of the interview consists of more boring questions circling his career. They’re questions he’s answered a million times, and the answers tumble off his tongue like second nature. 

Before long, the click of Niles’ pen is concluding the interview and his distant voice asks — no,  _ orders  _ — Gavin to retrieve Connor for his interview. Whilst stumbling over his own feet, Gavin quickly jumps from his seat to follow the directions. God, why’s he have to be such a sucker for being spoken down to? It doesn’t help that he can’t even remember the last time he got laid; it seems like going from putting all your time into your education to investing your life in the gaming industry doesn’t leave much time for hookups, let alone dating.

He wouldn’t say he’s been lonely though— he’s been too busy the past few years to stop and think about being  _ lonely.  _

From behind him, he hears a quiet snort, akin to laughter, from Niles who’d just observed his interviewee tripping over himself. Had Gavin not already promised Hank that he’d be on his best behaviour, he would have most  _ definitely  _ flipped him off by now.

As he turns to give Niles a glare, he’s reminded that, despite denying it as much as possible, he is in fact, cripplingly lonely. He’s got his built family, consisting of his cats as well as Hank, Tina and Cole, who he still visits on a regular basis, but he knows that no family, blood related or not, can fill the aching in his hea-

_ No,  _ he thinks to himself.  _ Gavin Reed does not get sappy, especially not about love.  _

There’s not much he can do about the steely glare now burning into the back of his brain though. Even as he turns to go find wherever Connor’s disappeared to, he can’t help but feel like that gaze is following him — not that he’s going to turn back and find out. 

As Connor had helpfully pointed out, the two  _ are  _ almost identical; however, Gavin chooses to focus specifically on the  _ almost _ part. This is because, ignoring their strikingly identical facial structure, the two have absolutely nothing in common. 

It didn’t take Gavin long to realise the differences in their resting expressions, being how strikingly different they are. Something about Connor is welcoming, be it the slight upturn of his lips, his warm eyes or the kind curve of his brows. Overall, Gavin thinks he gives off the impression of someone you’d be happy to take home to your parents. Which isn’t something Gavin is against, but it’s definitely not the type of person he’s interested in. 

Where Connor’s hair is a mess of curls, Niles’ is slicked back, one stray lock rebelling and forming a neat little curl that falls across his forehead. It’s not quite the same, but it takes Gavin back to his childhood obsession with Danny from Grease. Who, to this day, he’s not sure whether he wants to  _ be  _ or  _ bang _ . 

This train of thought leads him into thinking about what the other man would look like if he took away that fitted blazer and replaced it with a leather jacket. Gavin was all for the goth-meets-snobby journalist look he’s sporting, but there’s just  _ something  _ about leather jackets that can’t quite be beat in his mind. 

After retrieving Connor and sending him to his fate, he finds Tina, throwing himself into the chair next to her more enthusiastically than necessary. She watches with concern as he downs the rest of his drink before placing each of his palms on either end of the can and flattening it with a satisfying  _ crunch. _

“So what'd you think of him?” She whispers, as if they’re school children spreading gossip.

From where they’re sat, they can clearly see both Connor and Niles. Gavin’s currently enjoying the great view he’s got of Niles’ stupidly long legs. That’s another difference between the brothers — Niles has a good couple of inches on Connor, at least. He’s used to being around Hank and Connor, who are both taller than he’s a hundred percent comfortable with, but he’s managed to make peace with it over time. Niles, on the other hand, seems even taller than  _ Hank  _ and Gavin isn’t keen on the idea of standing too close to him anytime soon…

_ Or is he? _

Having never really taken the time to properly explore his own dating preferences, Gavin can’t say height differences  _ aren’t  _ his thing. In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more he starts to like the idea that Niles is likely almost a whole head taller than him. There’s  _ something  _ about it that appeals to him that he can’t quite manage to put a finger on. 

He only realises how lost he’s gotten in his own thoughts when Tina waves a hand in front of his face. It’s then he remembers he was  _ supposed  _ to be answering her question.

“He, uh… Seems just the same as the usual reporters we get, real nasty piece of work.” He replies, his artificial confidence in his own words growing as he speaks. 

Tina gives him a knowing look and he rolls his eyes.

“I know what your thinking T, and you’re wrong.”

“You already  _ like  _ him, don’t you?” She asks, a teasing glint in her eyes that Gavin’s all too familiar with.

“Just ‘cause he’s hot doesn’t mean I  _ like  _ him.”

“You’re telling me you’ve already developed a crush on the brother of the guy you’re supposed to be dating?” Gavin scowls at her words, trying and failing to pull away as she reaches over to pinch his cheek as she makes cooing noises. “Oh you poor, poor thing.”

“Stop mocking me, you bitch; that is  _ not  _ what I said at all.” He protests, batting her hand away as she laughs at him. 

“It’s written all over your red cheeks,  _ lover boy _ . Better hope he didn’t notice when he was interrogating you.”

“Realising you’d tap that is not equivalent to having a crush.” He says defensively.

“What’s this about a crush?”

Gavin doesn’t need to look up from where he’s placed his head in his hands to know it’s Hank —  _ wonderful fucking timing as usual. _

“ _ Dude _ , I thought you only fucked people for the scandals, not because you actually like them.” Cole adds without looking up from his phone.

“No.” Tina interjects helpfully. “He’s just very good at attracting media attention without intending to.”

“Well, it doesn’t help that he can’t seem to fuck anyone outside of our rival fucking team.” Hank retorts.

“Really, though, who’s this guy you wanna smash?” Cole asks, sitting down next to Gavin; the only reason Gavin is sure it’s him is due to the  tattered Doc Martens that appear in between the gaps in his fingers. 

“Connor’s evil triplet over there.” Tina supplies cheerily, Gavin looks up to glare at her just to be met with a menacing grin as she gestures to where Niles and Connor are sat. 

“You know he’s written more than half of the negative articles about you?” Hank asks, it’s a rhetorical question, of course Gavin is more than well aware. 

“You know, Gav, he does seem like your type.” Cole points out and Gavin’s attention snaps to the teen.

“How the fuck d’you figure that out?” Gavin spits out, all irritation in his voice fabricated, he doesn’t think he could get genuinely annoyed with the kid if he tried. 

Blowing his floppy brown fringe out of face, Cole just grins at him, his labret and septum piercings glistening under the spotlights of the venue. Gavin vividly remembers the argument that had ensued when a fifteen year old Cole had told Hank he wanted his first piercing. To this day, Gavin’s not entirely sure why Hank was so against the idea, considering what he knows about Hank’s past, as well as the multiple piercing scars you can still see on his face if you stand close enough.

Cole begins to open his mouth to reply when—

“Tina, it’s your turn.” Connor calls sourly as he makes his way towards the group. 

Gavin can see the conflict in his eyes as he looks over to where Hank’s standing, before resignation takes over and he swaps with Tina, who gives Gavin a wave and a knowing wink as she walks away. As Connor’s head falls onto his shoulder and Gavin places an arm around him, he begins to wonder whether this is really them keeping up appearances or Connor going to a friend for comfort when he can’t go to Hank. The slight tremble when he places his hand over Connor’s definitely makes him lean toward the latter.

From over Connor’s head, Gavin watches Niles closely, not missing how his attention on the interview keeps wavering. Flickering glances are consistently aimed in his direction and, once again, Gavin’s attention is drawn to his sharp features and lean figure. 

To begin with, Gavin thinks he was looking at Connor — too aware of being in the same room as his sibling after all this time. However, the intermittent glances don’t stop, even after Connor’s decided he’s had enough and leaves with Hank close behind. 

By the time Niles has finished his interviews and everyone’s leaving, Gavin still has no idea what to make of the man. If he isn’t mistaken, Niles’ glances became more frequent once Connor had left. Now, considering Niles is looking at him as if he wants to kill him and eat him, the most likely explanation is that he doesn't approve of him dating his brother. 

However, there’s a voice in his head telling him it’s not that simple, that there’s  _ something _ he’s not picking up. He quickly pushes that thought aside and tries to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his mind as he watches Niles leave, long legs creating effortlessly long strides Gavin know’s he’d struggle to keep up with whilst walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, pls consider leaving kudos or a comment, feedback is greatly appreciated!!
> 
> check out my twitter for more shit posting:  
> [white_carnations](https://twitter.com/c0ffee_gremlin)  
> 


	4. hot takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this time niles is gay and gavin's hot, still nothing fucking new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out even thought it's summer i've still got a lot going on, but i'm still trying to write between everything and am aiming to be getting a new chapter out roughly once a month

Letting the door shut behind him with a soft click, Niles is greeted by Juliet, who’s sat in the exact same place she was sat when he left earlier that evening. He knows she’s only there because she recognizes the sound of his footsteps and has, in fact, spent her day lounging on his bed, covering his black sheets in her cream coloured fur. 

Holding a hand out, he waits as she sniffs it before closing her eyes contentedly as she rubs her head against the back of his fingers. Changing the position of his hand so he can scratch behind her ears just the way she likes it, he slowly relaxes as he runs his fingers through her soft fur, her purrs audible over the sweet notes of Mozart still coming from his earphones. 

“It’s been a stressful evening, Jules; I won’t bother you with the details.” He says to her pulling the buds from his ears.

Opening her eyes, she tilts her head, blinks up at him with round, sapphire eyes, before letting out a loud meow in response. 

“I know, darling, I know; I hate people too.” Niles picks her up and holds her close, burying his face in her soft fur and breathing in time with her purrs.

Only once she’s decided she’s had enough attention, does he backtrack to the door, hanging his jacket and satchel on the coat rack. He retrieves his notebook as well as a lint roller, which he puts to immediate use, removing the accumulated cat. 

Instead of retreating to his room and sinking into the memory foam of his mattress like he craves, he slumps into his desk chair with a heavy sigh, placing his notebook on the pristine white desk. Niles untucks his shirt and runs both his hand through his hair, until he knows that, without looking in a mirror  he looks like he’s been dragged through a hedge. 

He lets Juliet settle in his lap before turning on his computer. The hum of the PC the only sound reverberating off the walls of his small apartment.

As he opens his notebook, he casts his mind back to the venue, which, really, is as close as it can get to a theatre without it being explicitly called one. He finished earlier than his boss had told him to, only having interviewed three of the five team members. However, if he writes a good enough article, she’ll be none the wiser. He definitely has enough content for one.

His eyes are on his notes as he lets his nimble fingers type in his password — multitasking  _ is _ something he’s good at, after all. He opens a new document, changes the font and type size, before beginning the grueling process of typing up his notes — he always appreciates the satisfying  _ tap, tap, tap  _ sounds the keys make as he works. 

Niles likes to work through his notes backwards, which means that, for this article, he starts with Tina. It doesn’t take him long to get through what he’s written for her — she got her start at the same time as Gavin. When Hank became their manager, both her and Gavin’s online statistics on the streaming platform grew relatively parallel to each other. She put it down to their close friendship both on and off camera, claiming that it allows them to work so well together. 

Finger hitting the enter key more violently than necessary, he moves on, his hands held hesitantly above the pristine keys as he looks to his notes, squeezing his eyes shut and doing a deep inhale-exhale at the sight of his brothers name. 

“Why is this so difficult, Jules?” He asks the curled up ball of fur in his lap, letting his head fall into his hands in a rare display of distress.

He can’t help but chuckle a little when Juliet unfurls from her near perfect circle, pressing her forehead incessantly against his face until he moves a hand to run a thumb up and down the space between her eyes. Letting out a deep sigh, he peeks through his fingers at the name he’s typed out on the screen.

_ Connor Stern (aka Arkait800) _

Arkait is a name Connor had come up with during high school, back when Niles and Amanda had been sure all those games him and Shepard invested so much of their free time into would just be a phase. Whilst Amanda had come to terms with their absolute rejection of a proper career, Niles had never been swayed to their side. 

It was shortly after this that he’d warmed to the idea of journalism, but a complete coincidence that he’s  now specialising in the growing eSports industry in Detroit. He wasn’t particularly happy about specialising in eSports, it was an unfortunate accident, one article he wrote about it blew up last year and now his boss won’t let him do anything else.  

But  _ of course _ Niles still loves his job, he’s put so much effort in to get where he is today, sacrificed any and all family and friends apart from Amanda…

He doesn’t like admitting it but life isn’t the same without Connor and Shepard.

His pathetic excuse for a job at Vice is the only thing he’s got left.

Harsh reality settles on him as he lets the emptiness of his small apartment engulf him, his only company being the cat currently digging her claws into his thigh.

Sure, he’s never really been a social person and, for the past few years, Juliet’s been enough company for him. However, after seeing Connor today and his obviously close relationship with his fellow team members, there’s now an ache in his chest more intense than the constant anxiety that had moved in and never left sometime in his early teens.

As he feels his breathing quicken he reacts quickly. 

He won't let himself lose his composure. Even in the comfort of his own home.

_ “Breathe.”  _ Amanda’s voice echoes through his mind. 

He closes his eyes, drowning out the classical and counting the seconds along with the ticking of the clock on the wall.

“ _ In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.”  _ The breathing technique she’d taught him after his first panic attack at the age of fourteen. 

He hadn’t had another one in public since.

It had taken some practise but he’d gotten the hang of hiding it. In fact, he’d gotten so good at it that people describe him as  _ confident.  _ Niles knows how he comes across, but pretentious is better than pathetic.

Niles Stern is  _ not  _ pathetic. 

Call him petty, obnoxious, even materialistic - absolutely any negative personality trait under the sun - but Niles Stern is not and has never been pathetic. 

After letting the combination of breathing techniques and soft classical sooth him until his heart rate feels normal again, he lets his eyes flicker open. They instantly fall back to his notes, but this time he skips Connor - deciding that won’t get him anywhere good - to focus instead on Gavin.

Gavin Reed is a rather confusing man, to say the least. Niles thought he’d understood - at least to some extent - what went on inside his head but, as it turns out, he’s learnt more about Gavin today than he has in the past year. 

As the evening drones on, his attention is constantly drawn back to Gavin, no matter how hard he tries to stay focused on the task at hand. 

His interview with Connor had been hard on both of them; but he remained professional for the duration as instructed by his boss. Although he managed to keep it together, he knows his attention was beginning to fade whilst interviewing Tina. Talking to Connor had drained him and it was becoming harder to focus as his gaze kept on drifting to where Connor sat, head resting on Gavin’s shoulder.

Tina didn’t fail to notice his wandering gaze. 

“Gav’s a sweetheart, promise. You’re not going to need to go all protective big brother on him anytime soon.” She’d said, and Niles’ attention had immediately snapped back to the table.

Connor wasn’t the reason he couldn’t stop looking, but she didn’t need to know that.

“We’re triplets actually.” He’d replied, the need to correct even the smallest detail almost overwhelming. 

“Interesting,” Niles had thought she’d meant the triplet thing. “You know, I’ve met Shepard as well and you seem older than both of them.”

_ Well then.  _

“I’m going to assume you’re referring to their obvious lack of maturity and  _ not  _ hold that against you when I write my article, Miss Chen.” He’d said in faux politeness, closing his notebook and slipping the band around the pages, letting it snap against the cover.

“Is that it?” She’d asked.

It wasn’t.

“Yes, thank you for you time.”

He’d had more questions to ask.

Tina gives him a salute and a smirk as he stands. “See you round Mr Stern.”

He highly doubts that. 

Realising there’s no chance of him continuing to write up his notes now, he reaches across his desk to retrieve a smaller, prettier notebook with yellow honeysuckle’s printed on the cover. 

Picking up a pen, he pushes the end against his chest until he hears it click and places the ballpoint to the paper and begins to write. The ink flows across the paper in a way a keyboard and computer could never replicate. 

Although he prefers the sound the keys make he often forgets how freeing it feels to let the words spill from his mind and out of the end of the pen. Niles appreciates the consistent and modern feeling typed fonts have but he’s always been enamoured by the organic feel to things that have been handwritten. 

By the time he finishes letting the thoughts cascade from his mind onto the paper he’s considerably more relaxed than before. Closing the book and sliding it back to its place on his desk he lets out a satisfied sigh, gaze lingering on the computer screen and his work notebook for just a second before he shakes his head at himself, spinning his desk chair to face away from his desk. 

The sudden movement disturbs the sleeping cat in his lap, who jumps to the floor, as graceful as ever, and looks up at him irritatedly. 

“Well, you will choose to sleep on me whilst I write.” He says to her as if this is a genuine conflict that needs to be settled between them.

She lets out a loud meow, which Niles takes as acceptance and gives her a curt nod before placing his hands firmly on the arm rests of the chair and hauling himself up.

Trudging from his desk to the kitchen, he opens the fridge to stare longingly at the ingredients for a proper meal he doesn’t have the motivation or time to cook, the light from inside bleeding out into the room and making him squint at the sudden brightness. Reaching past the proper food, he retrieves one of many ready meals he’d stocked up on incase of this exact situation. 

Having stood awkwardly in the kitchen while he ate, he places the dish in the sink to worry about another time before finally allowing himself to retreat to his room, Juliet in tow. 

Movements mechanical, he removes each item of clothing either hanging it back in his closet or balling it up and chucking it in the general direction of the laundry basket in the corner of the room. He knows his aim is off but - like the building dishes in the sink -  it’s a problem for future Niles to worry about.

Slipping into his black silk shorts, he ties the ribbon in a neat bow before slipping the shirt on and sinking into the luxury sheets. 

Reaching for the remote, he turns on the flatscreen that’s mounted to the wall on the other side of the room. Once the commercials are over he’s greeted with the ever familiar face of James T. Kirk, he turns the volume up a bit before placing it back on the nightstand. 

It’s only a few seconds before he picks up the remote again, adjusting the volume once more so that even though the sound is now a tad too quiet, the number that flashes on the screen for just a few seconds is even. 

Niles tries to relax, he really does - that’s what he tells himself, at least. 

He tells himself he can’t help the way his attention is drawn to the ashtray he keeps on his bedside table or the way his fingers lips itch to have paper between them. Really, that second thing isn’t his fault. 

Except it is.

He hadn’t needed to start smoking in high school, not really, but Shepard had offered him one, told him it’d help his anxiety. Niles had firmly reminded him  _ he didn’t have anxiety, thank you very much,  _ but had proceeded to take a drag anyway. At the time he’d thought his brother was right, that it really did help his anxiety.

Now, he knew it was a lie. He  _ knew  _ all the nicotine was doing was creating a  _ temporary sensation  _ of relaxation and all his habit had actually done was make his anxiety worse if he didn’t get his regular fix. 

Eyes stray to the small drawer to his right. Sitting up in bed, he slides the drawer open - it’s almost a daily ritual at this point but not one he’s proud of.

The grinder is the last thing he pulls out, he’s been using the same one for almost three years and it’s pretty much on its last legs, the metal is tarnished and the satanic symbols printed on the top would be almost unrecognisable if Niles wasn’t so familiar with them. 

He had other, more efficient ones but somehow he couldn’t seem to let go of this one. Thanks to Shepard he’d been smoking since he was fifteen, however Connor and his college buddies are the ones that convinced him to start smoking cannabis along with the tobacco.

Connor told him it could help his anxiety, just like Shepard had years prior - but there was no lying to Connor, he was one of the only people besides Amanda that could gauge his anxiety level from the slight change in his breathing rate. He’d tried to hide it but he knew from the sympathy in his brother’s eyes that he could see the desperation in the way he’d snatched the offered grinder off his brother.

Fortunately, Connor had been right, even if he didn’t have it in him to quit nicotine, the added cannabis helped to ease the constant aching pain in his stomach. Amanda didn’t approve and the effects never lasted long enough but anything was better than nothing.

Running a thumb over the scratched surface, he looks at his nails, what used to be stiletto acrylics in his college days are now natural and bitten down, the black polish he’d applied just a few days prior already half scratched off. 

He closes his eyes for a second and takes a sharp breath in, before opening up the grinder and finishing off his spliff. Licking a neat line across the paper and rolling it between his fingers, he places it between his lips and lights it, the flickering amber the only warm colour in the dimly lit room. 

Only now can he finally relax, exhaling smoke into the room, letting Juliet settle on his stomach and getting lost in an episode of Star Trek that he’s already seen a countless amount of times.

As Niles lays there, relishing in the small amount of relaxation he gets in his day, he absolutely does not think about Gavin Reed. In fact, the memory of Gavin grinning at him so genuinely is most definitely the  _ last  _ thing on his mind.

As usual, Niles is lying to himself.

Gavin has been in the back of his mind ever since he’d finished interviewing him - it’s obvious that some part of his brain thinks he’s attractive. 

Finding Gavin attractive is fine, it’s something he’s prepared to accept; it's not like he’s never been this attracted to anyone before. There was his first proper crush in sixth grade, his first and only boyfriend, Johnny Depp- 

Niles takes a long drag from his spliff. 

He doesn’t have a good feeling about this, but he puts it down to his paranoia and tries to push it aside — besides, there’s a high chance he’ll never see Gavin in person again anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, please consider leaving kudos or a comment, feedback is greatly appreciated!!
> 
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**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, pls consider leaving kudos or a comment, feedback is greatly appreciated!!
> 
> check out our twitters for more shit posting:  
> [white_carnations](https://twitter.com/c0ffee_gremlin)  
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> 


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